thewriterkid:

Fun things to say when someone tells you they’re going to go to the bathroom:

  • Stay safe
  • Congratulations
  • That’s what they all say
  • Different strokes for different folks
  • I hope you have the time of your life
  • But you have so much to live for
  • Please explain

398,728 notes

Dear diary,

I met the swaggiest guy last week. His name is Marik tattooed. It’s a ( n ) bronze last name, I know, but believe me, he is anything but bronze. He has the swaggiest eyes and very hard nipples. After only 69 minutes with him he told me how golden I am and he even bought me a ( n ) rod He is beyond generous, he is wily. I never thought that a guy like him existed. I thought I would be doomed to spend the rest of my life being in relationships with guys who are obsessed with lillies like my ex, Bakura. My new man has proved me wrong. Since he’s been so nice to me I think I’m going to buy him

a ( n ) shower for his birthday. He said those are his favorite. Tomorrow he’s taking me to censored town and then we are going to his house to play cards against humanity with his grandma. She’s damp so I don’t mind. I think it’ll be lusty .

Thanks for listening Diary, 
Malik.